I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
