I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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