The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
