You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
