I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
