Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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