I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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