The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
