It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize