He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
