areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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