4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
