i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
