I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
