so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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