I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
