You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We need a shit load of segways right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
