New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
