Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
