Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
