Acid is not a monday night drug
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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