I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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