I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
