my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
