dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize