R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
