i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
