Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
