Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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