Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
