My room smells like vodka and shame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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