Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
