You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
