I hate your face
She is in my trunk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
