You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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