hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
