your thong is hanging out like whoa
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
