dude i'm inner monologue high
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
