I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
