So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
