I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
