I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
