Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
