but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
