You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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