her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
