im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
