I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
