I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
