I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize