I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
smell my finger.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
