remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
