we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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