So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
