Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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