Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
