I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
