Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize