Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
