I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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