why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
