My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
