I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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