she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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