Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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