Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize