hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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