I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
