with your own penis?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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