I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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