i jhust puked up my retainher.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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