Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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