You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His hands were made for my vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
