i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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