You're completely useless in the revolution.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize