Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
