I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
