It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize